just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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