Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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