I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
