a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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