found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
