your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize