do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
