i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
