I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
