My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
