Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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