I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
