I didn't shave. On purpose
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
