I wannas sexs uuuuu
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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