She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i wish my penis had a tongue
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
