oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
