I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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