You're completely useless in the revolution.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
