what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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