So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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