Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
