My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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