But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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