mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
