Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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