dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
