Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Small penises have feelings too.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
