I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
