You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
