Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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