sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
