a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
