I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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