I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
