end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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