I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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