I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
