Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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