note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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