you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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