I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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