Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
