u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
