Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize