I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
