i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
