I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
