If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
