You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
