all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
