Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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