TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
