I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
