Need sex. Gaining weight.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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