I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
