so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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