He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
