quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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