And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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