So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he shaved USA in his pubs
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She just used a chaser for red wine.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
