It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
