Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
