Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
