On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
