I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize