No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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