My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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