If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
