I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
