She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
it glows. i had to have it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
