i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
