You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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