Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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