I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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