Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
