So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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