I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
