That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
