physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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