we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
