Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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