we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
