Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
